Him

“I should’ve told you personally.

I wanted to see the look on your face.
I knew you didn’t want me to come.
I knew I didn’t want to come.
But I came.
Somehow, I need it to.

I finally left you behind,
of all those times
I wanted to forget you.
But not like this,
not like me missing words to say,
not like your hug being so cold,
so fast.
Not in a hurry because
I was just leavin’.

You and me have history.
And now I write this
instead of sleeping.
It’s not right.
We are lacking some closure,
some words,
some clarity.
But we were just kids.

I thought I would have
more to say,
but after all these years
there’s nothing left to say.
You followed your own path
I followed mine.

I miss you.

I don’t know exactly what I miss,
But I miss you.
I miss you being around,
here and there.
I miss our strange way of
still being friends
after all that happened.
I miss your jealousy.
I miss your eyes
looking into mine,
intensity.
I miss your presence.
I miss our afternoon movies,
we holding hands,
fear.
I even miss your mom.

I know it’s all just past.
Years and years behind.
Mostly if we count the years
we met.
It’s not dust.
It will never be dust.

I miss you
You and our devious history.
I miss the feeling that used to
tell me we were meant to be.
But we weren’t.
At least not in that time,
at least not now.

I miss you.

”